


Skype calls are not enough

by StryderMel



Category: PewDiePie (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Depression, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-02-17 10:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2306300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StryderMel/pseuds/StryderMel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was like nothing made sense anymore.<br/>Cry has always been the one to stand back, to stand behind everyone, not daring to speak up to anyone he didn't know too well, but right now he felt even worse than he ever did before...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I can see right through you

It was a normal day, really an everyday-day with just him and Pewds, playing some good old Gmod.

“Ah, you son of a bitch!”

Cry chuckled at Pewdie’s outburst. “Dude, you ran right into it, what do you expect?”

There was a pause before he heard his friend answer: “Shut up.”

Laughing slightly, Cry navigated him through most of the dangers, running into traps himself now and then, and laughing harder, when Pewds screams a girly scream.

Soon after that, PewDiePie started to speak in a normal voice again. “Hey, Cry, it’s time to end this episode here.”

“Oh yeah?” Cry looked at his clock and realized that it they’ve been playing for three hours already. “Oh. Yeah, I think you’re right.”

Now Pewdie chuckled and Cry simply joined in.

“Broday everyday!”

As always, Cry couldn’t hold back the laugh that crept up his throat. “B-Broday everyday.”

A few seconds passed before Pewdie started talking again. “That was awesome, man.”

Cry simply nodded until he realized that the other man couldn’t see him. “Yeah, it was, friend. The fans are right, we should co-op more often.”

“Ah, you just want all of my fame, don’t cha?”

A laugh. “Of course, do you think I enjoy playing those games with you? Yeah, think again, dumbass.”

Another laugh. “Yeah, pffff, well, I don’t like you either, Cry!”

Laughing. “Fine. I’ll be going now. I have a lot of recording to do.”

Chuckle. “You do that. Gonna talk tomorrow?”

A little smile. “Yes, yes, sure, why not?”

“See ya tomorrow, Cry.”

Cry glanced at the clock and noticed that it was night already where Pewdie was. “Yup. Sleep well, Felix.”

Chuckle. “Thanks.”

And with that, the Skype call ended.

Of course they wouldn’t play anything tomorrow. Pewds needed time to edit the video they just did. And he needed to upload other videos to his channel to keep his subscribers – his Bro’s – happy. But they would sit there, skype a bit, discussing gossip and probably talk about the newest game.

And spending this much time with Pewds, Cry realized something.

He only ever felt happy when he was able to talk to his good friend, who was all the way over there, in Sweden.

He sighed when he opened Steam to see that Scott was online.

_Cryaotic: Jund, entertain me, I’m bored._

_DamnNoHtml: entertain yourself, dickhead_

_Cryaotic: wow. rude._

_DamnNoHtml: whattaya want?_

* * *

 

Pewdie stared at his screen for a second, before sighing loudly and turning the computer off. He made his way too his bed and fell right into it, not even bothering with changing into other clothes for the night.

He was worried. Something was off about Cry. He tried to behave normally, to act like nothing was wrong, but Pewds could see right through that façade. And he hasn’t even _seen_ him today.

Being friends with Cry was something that Pewdie always considered being complicated. The other man always seemed so serious when it came to anything really, but getting to know him, Pewdie has seen that the man was just like him – more or less. A boy who spent most of his childhood playing video games.

Of course Cry’s past was shitty – of course the guy went through a lot more than Pewds ever would. But hell – Pewdie has seen the guy and he would never understand why he puts himself so low. He’s got a lot of potential and he is very good-looking.

 _Realizing that a man is handsome does not mean you’re gay, Pewds_ , he reminded himself with a small smile as he pressed his face into the pillow. He enjoyed having Cry talking to him. His voice made him calm and everytime he chuckled, Pewds didn’t have it in him to simply ignore him. He would either join in or just grin at his screen.

Truth was… Cry made him feel better. About anything. And Pewds would find out what was bugging his friend.

With that thought, Pewdie slowly fell into a deep slumber.


	2. Defining friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important note :3  
> In this fanfic neither Marzia, nor Cheyenne exist. I love them both to bits and that's the reason they are not existent in this fanfiction. I don't want to make either of them being bitches to their boyfriends and I don't want Pewds or Cry cheating on them.  
> That's all :) Enjoy!

When Pewdie woke up at 10:30 am, the first thing he did was to sit down at his computer. He turned it on and sat down to edit the video he recorded the day before. After that, he edited another video of him alone and then uploaded the co-op.

As always, there were a lot of happy comments in the “#PewDieCry’ tag. A lot of fangirling and a whole lot of – obviously – shipping. Pewds shook his head at this and closed Twitter.

He got up to get ready, before he sat down to record a video. While playing he noticed that Cry logged in and his mood lighted up immediately. He knew, that the other man had some editing to do himself, so he didn’t interrupt him and kept playing.

A few hours later, when Pewds knew it was safe to contact Cry, he called him on Skype – with video chat.

The American accepted a few seconds later and when his face popped up, Pewds found himself frowning at the older man. “Dude, you look super tired. What’s wrong?”

“Huh?” Cry asked, raising one eyebrow before messing his hair up. “Ahhh, I don’t know. I haven’t slept very well.”

Now Pewdie got really worried. “Did you sleep _at all_? And don’t lie to me, Cry.”

The other man shrugged. “Maybe for a few minutes, I don’t really know.” He must’ve seen how worried his friend was, because almost immediately he showed a smile – a fake one, but a smile. “Oh, don’t worry about me, I’m okay, man. Just some thoughts in my head.”

“Oh, is this about a girl?” Pewds tried to joke, but it didn’t come out right. He was just way too worried to think about a stupid joke.

Cry rolled his eyes in annoyance before answering: “No, jackass. Just… ah, I don’t know myself, okay?”

Pewdie nodded. “Yeah…”

There was a long uncomfortable silence between them before Cry broke it with saying happily: “I’ve seen that you uploaded the co-op! You picked good scenes!”

The Swedish man smiled a bit and answered: “That was only part one, friend, the second part will be even better, believe me.”

“Can’t wait for it!”

And there was the silence again…

“I used your word, I’m sorry.”

Cry raised an eyebrow. “My word? Do I own my own word?”

Pewds shrugged and smiled a bit. “You know, ‘friend’. That’s your thing.”

“Ah,” answered Cry, grinning slightly. “Dude, it’s okay, you can use it as long as you like – I’m using the word ‘bro’, too, you know?”

PewDiePie laughed a bit before saying: “What, you use _my_ word? How fucking dare you.”

Cry chuckled. “’m sorry, friend.”

“I forgive you,” Pewds answered, a huge grin on his face. “For now.”

The other man rolled his eyes slightly before sighing. “Hey, man, I gotta go now, I’m almost out of food…”

Pewdie stared for a second, then he nodded. “Yeah, yeah, sure, you go buy food, I’ll be waiting here.”

“Thanks, buddy. See ya later.” With that, Cryaotic signed out.

The Swedish man just kept staring at his screen, then he groaned. _What the fuck is wrong with him?!_

* * *

 

 _What the fuck is wrong with me?!_ Cry thought as he walked down the street. He sighed loudly as he watched other people pass. Why did he turn away from Pewds? They could’ve talked, Cry could’ve told him… what exactly? What exactly would’ve Cry told him? He didn’t even know what was wrong with him!

Entering the store, Cry made his round. He knew exactly what to get and what not to get. ‘Is this about a girl?’ Pewdie had asked.

Hell no. No girl. No boy, for that matter. He wasn’t in love, that wasn’t it. He felt… not good? Not good at all. Everywhere he looked, people would be smiling. Pewdie’s smile when Cry had accepted the call… How the smile had vanished, once he saw that Cry was… _hurting_? Yeah, more or less…

Cry went to the checkout. Paid. Left. Went home. Put the things away. Took a Mountain Dew. Sat in front of this computer.

PewDiePie. Still online.

Cry rolled his eyes as he called his friend. In a matter of seconds, he saw Pewds’ face pop up, a happy grin on his lips. Well, not happy. It was pretty fake. It was _really_ fake, Cry noticed that. “What’s the matter with you?” he asked.

The blonde man opened his mouth to answer, but closed it soon after. He thought for a second, then he shrugged. “I’m fine. What about you?”

“Fine,” answered Cry, also shrugging. He took a swig of his Mountain Dew and stared at his screen.

He then heard tapping sounds and looked at Skype, seeing his friend writing something. The American just shrugged and went back to his Tumblr, when he heard his Steam, telling him he got a message. He saw the little window pop up, seeing the name _PewDiePie_ and a message saying: _u suck man_

Cry couldn’t help but smile at this. He looked at his Skype and saw Pewds smile back, he’s obviously been watching his friends’ reaction.

He typed back: _nah man u suck 2 times mor than me lol_

Pewdie started to laugh and mumbled: “Fuck you, too, man,”

Cry grinned at him. “How are your bro’s doing?”

Pewds raised an eyebrow at him. “What, you’re asking me questions about my bro’s? What’s wrong, man?”

This confused the older man. “I… What? Why do you mind so much that I ask you questions about your fans?”

Now the Swede seemed confused. “Well… You never asked before… But… They’re fine? Craving for PewDieCry, I guess…?”

Now it was just awkward. Cry stared at the ground and whenever he glanced up at his screen, he saw Pewds looking at his hands or lap or… well, ground?

“Uh… Okay, I’ll leave now… Okay?” Pewdie said, glancing up at his own screen, before he looked into the camera.

Cry found himself looking at his screen before he nodded carefully. “K… See ya?”

Pewds cleared his throat. “Yeah… Bye.”

It was silent once again, but the blonde man wouldn’t end the call. Cry waited, but nothing happened, when suddenly he heard Pewdie’s voice again. “Broday everyday…”

Even though he tried not to, Cry grinned. Grinned at Pewds, because, damn, this was the sentence that defined their friendship. As long as they wished each other a _Broday everyday_ everything was gonna be alright between them.

“Broday everyday, buddy.”

A smile from PewDiePie. Then the call ended.


	3. Maybe ‘broday everyday’ will be our ‘always’?

Pewds groaned loudly after shutting off his computer. What the actual fuck? Cry was acting so weird. And the Swede found himself worrying a lot because of his friend.

It wasn’t like they talked about everything they went through. For that, Cry had other friends – friends who were closer to him than Pewdie. _Real life_ friends. But he wished…

The blonde hit himself in the face. “Goddammit man,” he said rolling his eyes at his own thoughts. He was close to Cry, close enough. They were good friends! … Weren’t they?

But… were they? How close did they actually grow over the past years?

PewDiePie glanced at his phone before picking it up and opening Twitter. He looked at all the stuff people were still posting about “PewDieCry”.

He shut the app down to go on tumblr where he noticed a post from _cryaotic_.

_“Hey, guys!_

_So, news. I will take a little break from videos and stuff. Gotta work some things out but I’ll be back soon. pewdie and I played a little Gmod, but you probably noticed this. It’s gonna have a second part which Pewds is going to upload, so hopefully you won’t miss me too much. ;)_

_Either way. Thank you guys for hopefully understanding this. And don’t worry, I am fine, just need a break from YouTube._

_Take care!”_

Pewdie stared at the words for a few seconds before shutting the app down. _‘I am fine, just need a break from YouTube.’_

_Fucking liar._

He wasn’t okay. No, he wanted a YouTube break? Hell, no, he wasn’t okay!

The Swede didn’t even realize he was doing it, but he turned his computer back on and signed into Skype, calling his American friend immediately.

The older man picked up, looking into his camera, a bit confused. “I thought you wante—“

“Okay, listen to me!” Pewds pretty much shouted at the American. He seemed shocked and just watched his friend with wide eyes. “What do you mean _YouTube break_? You don’t need a YouTube break, you need an _everything_ break! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Cry just stared at him, before answering in a calm voice. _Way_ too calm. “Oh, and _you_ know what I need.”

Pewds opened his mouth, but the other man was faster. “ _You_ know, what I might be going through right now or not, _you_ know, how much I need a break or not, _you_ know why my head is fucking me up so much?”

The blonde just stared at his screen for a second, then he answered: “Yes.”

“No, you don’t,” was the answer and it sounded like he was done talking.

Well, Pewds wasn’t even halfway through the talk. “Oh, yes. I do. Listen up, man. You might think that I don’t know you well enough, or that I am too far away to judge, or that I don’t care enough – I don’t know what you think of me! And I don’t care right now. What’s important is, that there is something seriously going wrong over there. Something I can’t fix over Skype.”

Cry shook his head before answering: “Something you can’t fix at all.”

The Swede couldn’t help but smirk a little. “Oh, yeah? Watch me.”

Blue eyes shot up to look at Pewds through his screen before a little, tiny smile was shown. “I’d love to.”

“Good. You take that YouTube break. You take a Twitter break. You take a Tumblr break and you’ll take a stream break.”

The blue eyes widened. “What, I can’t take a stream break, the stream is holy!”

Now PewDiePie tried to talk as serious as possible. “Nothing is more important than your health, okay?”

He could’ve sworn that the American’s cheeks turned a bit red, but he wasn’t too sure, because the other man started to rub his eyes. “Ahhh… K. No stream, got it. So, what am I supposed to do all this time?”

“Go out. Take walks. Read a book. Meet up with friends, I don’t care. Just stay away from the internet.”

“So, also stay away from Skype?”

Pewds eyes went wide. “No! Not Skype! I have to check on you. Every evening. When you’re home. You’ll tell me about your day. Deal?”

He saw the other man bite his lip, but he soon sighed and mumbled: “Deal.”

* * *

 

_He’s worried about you. You are important to him. He needs you. No wonder people ship you two._

Cry sighed at his own thoughts. What the hell was that all about? People shipped them long before they became such good friends.

_But you’re so close to be canon now._

A loud groan escaped Cry’s mouth. “No, shut the fuck up, brain!”

Why did people even ship them? Shipping real people with each other – that was bad enough, but him and _Pewds_? Right after their first co-op people fell in love with the ship.

How people could think _Cry of Fear_ was romantic? He had no idea. He thought again… Well, Pewdie was actually the one who came up with their ship name…

“God, fall asleep already,” he told himself before pressing his face into his pillow.

But of course – that didn’t work. He thought about maybe going on Skype again, to talk to one of his friends… Or Pewds.

 _Pewds is your friend_ , his brain reminded him and Cry rolled his eyes. _Or do you feel more for him?_

Cry groaned again and sat up. “I swear to god, brain, I will stab you.”

It took him several hours, but eventually he fell asleep. 

* * *

 

When Cry woke up the next morning, he felt… like a piece of shit.

The first thing he considered was logging into Skype to talk to Pewds, but – nah. He’ll call a friend and go out and do shit. Yeah… That’s better.

So he did that.

He was out with a few friends, went to drink something and just hung out.

When Cry came home, he felt… still like a piece of shit.

But he promised Pewds to keep chatting with him, so he did that. Logging in in Skype and calling his Swedish friend.

“Mr. Aotic!” was the first thing Cry heard.

“Excuse me?”

Pewdie laughed a bit before answering: “You know? Cryaotic? Your first name’s Cry, so your last name’s gotta be Aotic.”

The American couldn’t help but giggle at the childish mind of the other man. “Alright, whatever you say.”

“Did you drink?” Pewds asked and raised an eyebrow – all the amusement that has been in his eyes… lost.

Shrugging, Cry answered: “Yeah. A bit. I’m pretty sober, though.”

Pewds accepted that.

That’s when they started to talk about Cry’s day. After the talk Cry felt… better. Alright, actually.

“Hey, man. Sorry, but I gotta edit videos now… Talk tomorrow?” Pewds asked, scratching the back of his head.

Cry nodded quickly. “Yeah. Sure thing. I’ll go to bed then. See ya, man.”

Pewdie nodded, too. “Goodnight, bro. Broday everyday?”

“Broday everyday.”

Pewds chuckled. “Maybe ‘ _broday everyday’_ will be our ‘ _always’_?” he said dramatically.

“Okay,” Cry answered – not realizing that he kinda finished the quote.

The Swede laughed loudly before ending the call.

Cry was left alone with his thoughts and the weird feeling dwelling in his chest.


	4. A punch to the face?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooooo sorry for the long wait and the short as hell chapter! I really tried, yet things were hard the last months. I won't keep you waiting next time, promise!  
> Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this chapter :)

PewDiePie pushed himself away from his desk. “Seriously,” he whispered to himself and got up.

He didn’t even know why he was so worried about him. Cry is a grown-up who can probably take care of himself. But yet...

Pewds stood up and picked up his phone, which laid on the bed, thrown there by his owner. He opened his calendar to check if anything was up the next few weeks.

_Nothing_ , he thought and sighed. _This is insane_ , he told himself. _The guy is probably fine without you._

The Swede squeezed the phone in his hands. “No, he’s not,” he said out loud, looking at his wall. He was so goddamn worried, he wanted to puke. The feeling was overwhelming and Pewdie felt sick, up to the point where he just had to sit down to breathe.

After he calmed himself down, he sat down in front of his computer. He couldn’t just sit around and watch his friend break. He couldn’t. And he wouldn’t.

* * *

 

When Cry woke up the next morning, his head wouldn’t stop throbbing. He sat up in his bad and cursed under his breath. He really wasn’t in the mood to swallow pain-killers.

A heavy sigh came from his lungs, out of his mouth. He hated it. He hated the feeling of emptiness in his chest, but it was still there. _God, why._

The American decided to sit himself down in front of his computer to check his Skype. Pewds was online, but his status was _Away_ , so Cry figured that he was asleep already. He was about to log off again when he heard the infamous tone Skype made when someone was messaging you.

Seeing the name, Cry’s eyes went wide.

Pewds:  
_Heeeeeeeeeey broooooo!_

Cry:  
_Hey?  
Shouldn’t you be sleeping?_

Pewds:  
_Nope.  
I’m gonna go on vacation tonight._

Cry stopped and looked at the message for a few seconds. _Why am I pissed now?_

Cry:  
_Really? Cool.  
Where are you going?_

Pewds:  
_Secret!_

Now Cry was definitely pissed. Why the fuck was this a secret?

Cry:  
_Uh… Okay, then. So, does that mean I can now go on the internet again?_

Pewds:  
_Nope! You keep doing what you’re doing. I will have a way to contact you, don’t worry._

Cry:  
_Oh, yeah, I was soooooo worried, Pewds!_

Pewds:  
_I bet you were! : >_

Cry:  
_Anyway… I’m going out now.  
I don’t think I’ll catch you before you head out, so… Have a safe trip._

Pewds:  
Yup.  
_I’ll see you soon, Cry._

Cry:  
_K._

With that Cry logged off. He almost threw his mouse at the ground, but he was able to catch himself before doing that.

He was just _so_ outraged! All the times that Pewds has said how worried he was about Cry and now this. _Yeah, I’ll make a nice vacation, too, if someone needs me!_

Cry stopped himself. _Do I need him?_

This thought was stuck on him the whole day, and while Cry didn’t leave the house even for a minute, he still didn’t find the chance to relax, because he couldn’t make up his mind about whether he needed Pewds or not.

He went to bed with a weird feeling in his stomach, really hoping that he was sick.

* * *

 

Pewdie hated the airport. He hated the people there, too. Everyone was just so stressed out and rude. Also, his plane was late, so he wouldn’t make it in time to actually surprise him before he woke up.

_Ah, well_ , he thought and sighed. _I wonder if he’ll be angry. Maybe I should’ve told him?_

The blonde wasn’t able to continue his thoughts, because suddenly the number of his plane was called up and Pewds just grabbed everything and ran for it.

_If he doesn’t punch me in the face, I’ll be genuinely surprised._

* * *

 

The next morning Cry woke up, he was in a hurry. He checked his Skype, but Pewds wasn’t online. That was the first thing that made his day hell.

Then his friends were late for the meet up. That was the second thing that made his day hell.

The train they rode in was so fucking full that Cry was almost squished to death by strangers. That was the third thing.

Most of the rollercoasters they were on were boring as hell. Also, queues were way too long. Fourth thing.

The way back was just as annoying. They missed three trains. Cry wanted to cry. Fifth thing.

The sun was setting already when he got home. Sixth thing.

He was standing in front of his home. He looked down at the suitcase and the man that sat beside it. He grinned up at Cry, but seemed tired as all hell.

Cry actually didn’t know yet if that made his day any more hell. He just knew that his right hand was twitching and before he knew it, he had already punched the guy in the face.

To Cry’s surprise, he just kept on smiling, rubbing his cheek and spoke in the voice he’d never heard in real life before: “I knew you were gonna do that.”


	5. I hate you so much (not)

Cry’s flat was actually prettier than Pewds had imagined. He always thought that he was messy but he wasn’t, actually.

“So,” Cry said and Pewdie turned to face him. He looked annoyed. “Because _I had no idea you’d come_ …” He made a long pause and glared at his friend. “You’ll have to sleep on the couch. I _could_ go over to Mrs. Ashworth to get her mattress, but I don’t really want to.”

The Swede wanted to laugh, but he restrained himself, not wanting to anger Cry any more than necessary. “I’m okay with sleeping on the couch,” he said and put down his suitcase in the living room. “You hungry?”

The other man shook his head. “Nah. Are you?”

“Yup,” PewDiePie said. “But I don’t want to cook… Could I, perhaps, order something?”

Cry rolled his eyes. “Really, dude?” When Pewds didn’t answer, he sighed. “Fine, fine.” He went to grab his cellphone and threw it at the blonde.

Pewdie grinned and caught the phone. He dialed the number and ordered a pizza. The American kept standing in the room, looking at the other man. Pewdie ended the call and put down the phone again. “Okay… what now?”

“You should take a shower,” he said and turned away. “Then you can eat your pizza while I go take a shower.”

Pewds said: “M’kay.” He watched Cry leave and sighed.

* * *

 

He wanted to scream. It’s not like he didn’t like Pewds. He was just _so_ mad. Why did he come here without telling him? Why did he make Cry worry instead of just telling him that he wanted to come over?

 _He wanted to come over_ , the little voice in Cry’s head said. _He wanted to be with you._

Cry wanted to bash his head into the wall.

* * *

 

Pewdie got out of the shower and dressed. He wore an _Adventure Time_ t-shirt and sweatpants.

He went out of the bathroom right when the doorbell rang. When Cry didn’t come to open it, Pewds went to open the door himself, accepted the pizza and paid the deliveryman. He sat himself down in the living room and started to eat.

After a few minutes, he heard the bathroom door open and close, and soon after the shower went on. PewDiePie shrugged and kept eating, though he left one piece for Cry, maybe he would be hungry later.

The Swede soon found out how to turn on the TV. He ended up lying down on the couch and watching the English dub of Dragon Ball Z.

Soon Cry came in, a towel hang loose on his hips. Pewds looked at him and found himself being unable to look away. He swallowed and sat up, offering him to sit beside him.

The American did what Pewdie asked of him. He glanced at the leftover pizza and smiled a little, picking it up and eating it. The blonde still looked at his friend.

“You’re staring.”

Startled, Pewds turned away, his face feeling hot. “Uh, sorry. H-how does it taste?”

“The pizza?” Cry asked and even though Pewdie wasn’t seeing it, he heard a smile in his voice. “It’s good. How did you pay?”

Pewds looked at him again and said: “With money, duh.”

“Yeah, no shit. But with _what_ money?”

“With my money.”

“You have dollars?”

“You can change currency, you know that, right?”

“I do know that. But maybe you didn’t.”

“Well, I did.”

“Kay then.”

They both just stared at the TV as they watched Gohan’s final battle against Cell. It was quiet between them until Cry started to speak up again. “So, why did you not tell me that you’d visit me?”

Pewdie shrugged. “I wanted to surprise you. I thought you’d like that.”

“Didn’t you say that you knew I’d punch you?” Cry asked, raising his eyebrow at his friend.

“Well, yeah,” Pewds admitted. “But I hoped that the anger would vanish.”

Cry sighed. “I’m not angry.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Okay. Maybe I am a little mad, but… I’m kind of happy that you came. I mean… it’s better than not talking to you for a week…”

Pewdie didn’t know if he was imagining things, but he could’ve sworn that Cry was blushing. “I actually thought about staying a little longer than a week… If you don’t mind that is.”

Cry shook his head. “No, of course I don’t… You can stay as long as you like.”

Now it was Pewds’ turn to blush. “Well… Cool then.”

“I’ll get the mattress tomorrow, don’t worry.”

“Y-you don’t need to! I can sleep on the couch, I’ll be fine.”

Cry smiled at him. “Dude, you’re huge, sleeping on my tiny couch can’t be comfortable. Mrs. Ashworth is a nice old lady, she won’t mind.”

Pewdie looked back at him and studied his face. He did that often when they were talking over Skype, but Cry’s webcam wasn’t the best, so this was the first time he was able to actually see Cry in high definition. His eyes were a slightly darker shape of blue than his own. Pewds felt envious. Just looking at him was making him more jealous than he’s ever been.

There were fans of his who called him handsome or hot, but if they could see Cry – they wouldn’t even notice him.

“Dude, you’re staring again!”

Pewds jumped at Cry’s voice and groaned. “Well, I’m sorry, I can’t help it!”

He wanted to punch himself.

Cry just looked at him for a few seconds, than he started laughing – the laugh that always brought a smile to Pewdie’s lips. The one he’s never heard IRL before. It sounded even _cuter_ than it did over Skype.

“You are such a flirt, man,” the American said, still giggling.

“Oh, shut up!” Pewds said and pushed Cry playfully to the other side of the couch.

But he kept on laughing and there was this warm feeling in his stomach.

Cry kicked the blonde in the shin, his towel almost falling off his hips. “Oops,” he said, after his laughing has calmed down. “I should go get dressed. Wait a sec.” Then he went away and Pewds high-fived himself in the face.

* * *

 

They ended up just sitting in the living room and playing video games together. Then they watched Anime until Cry fell asleep on his friend.

Pewdie smiled over at him and woke him up, so he could go to sleep in his own bed. When he did that, the Swede lay down on the couch and stared at his ceiling.

“Why do I have to feel this way around him?”, he asked himself, whispering so the man in the other room wouldn’t hear. “I’m not gay, am I? No. I can’t be. I have had girlfriends. I did fall in love with girls. Could I be bi? Or even pan? Cry is pan… Could Cry feel attracted to _me_?”

He fell asleep to the feeling of butterflies in his tummy.


	6. Sleep is for the weak

Cry lay in bed and listened to the quiet voice of his friend. He didn’t understand any words, but the tone made it sound like he was questioning something. Cry thought he had heard Pewdie say his name, but he chose to ignore it.

Soon after that, it got silent in the living room. Cry suspected that the younger man had fallen asleep already and the American felt a sudden feeling of sadness rush through him. He imagined how nice it’d be to talk to Pewds some more or to just listen to his whispers.

He turned to his left to stare at his wall, then to his right to stare out of the window. It was pitch black outside and Cry groaned as he sat up. He couldn’t fall asleep. He physically wasn’t able to do so. So he got up and made his way to the kitchen. Midnight snack? Sure, why not?

As he went past the living room, he stole a glance at the sleeping figure on the couch. A smile formed on his face, then he went to open his fridge.

He didn’t really have much here, but eventually he grabbed the cheese strings and munched on them. Cry stared at his wall the whole time, glancing out of the window now and then. The moon fell directly on him and it was _huge_ tonight.

Cry couldn’t shake the feeling off that he was being watched. Full moon always made him feel like this. That was probably why he couldn’t sleep, either. He usually didn’t believe it when people said: “ _Oh, I can’t sleep when the moon is full!_ ” Bullshit, the moon is always full. We just don’t see it.

But in his case it was different. It wasn’t the moon itself, it was the strange sensation that followed. He shuddered slightly. Creepy shit.

“You know,” said a voice and Cry jumped, bumping into the fridge. “You look good in the moonlight.”

The American turned towards the voice and glared. He couldn’t really see the other man’s face, but he knew he was grinning. “Fuck you, seriously.”

He heard a little chuckle, then feet met the laminate. “Did I scare you?”

“Oh, shut your mouth.” Cry leaned against the counter when Pewds stepped into the light. “Why are you awake?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I felt… ah, don’t worry about it.”

Cry couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. “What? You felt… watched?”

“How—,” Pewdie asked, his eyes wide, but then he calmed down and sighed. “Yeah. I don’t know. I thought it was you once I woke up, but you had your back to me all the time, so… I don’t know. I probably just imagined it.”

The other man nodded at the blonde and shrugged. “I have this feeling, too. I usually have it when it’s full moon,” he explained and looked out of the window again.

Pewds nodded, still keeping his eyes on his friend. “You didn’t sleep at all, did you?”

“Nope,” he said honest and grinned at the Swede. “I couldn’t, okay? I did try to, it just didn’t work out.” Pewdie kept staring. “Don’t look at me like that! I’m honest!”

A sigh came from the younger man as he turned away from his friend. “I believe you, don’t worry. I’m just… worried… that’s all.”

Cry knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t stop the blush spreading out on his cheeks. He hoped the room was dark enough to hide it. “No need to be worried,” he said and turned his head away from his friend. “It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve felt like this. It will leave.”

“Cry, you’re…” Pewdie stopped himself and turned away as well. “Never mind.”

The American looked back at him, an eyebrow raised again. “No, I wanna hear it.”

When Pewds looked back at him, he bit his lips. Cry couldn’t help but think that this gave him something sexy. He hated thinking that.

“I honestly think that you’re…” He stopped again and stared at the ground. “I think you’re depressed.”

He didn’t know why, he had no idea why, but this thought brought a smile to Cry’s face. He knew that he was, of course he did, he had a brain and it wasn’t his first time being depressed. Yet, the way the famous YouTuber addressed this so awkwardly made him even chuckle a little. “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

Pewds took a step back. “You… you don’t deny it?”

Cry smirked up at him. “Why would I? I know that I am. I was before and now I’ve had a relapse. It’s like when you have cancer or something. The first time you don’t know that anything is wrong, but when it comes back, you just know.”

“Is that how cancer works?”

“Honestly?” The taller man grinned. “I have no idea.”

Both of them started laughing. Maybe it was because they were tired, maybe because they were losing their minds, maybe because it was easier than to really think about a horrible decease. Cry didn’t know, but he was actually quite happy.

Pewdie looked at him with a smirk. “You think you’ll sleep at all tonight?”

The other man sighed and looked at the moon. He shrugged and said: “Probably not. I’m not tired at all… Are you gonna go back to sleep?”

“Nope.”

Cry looked at him. He was a bit surprised, honestly. “Nope? Aren’t you tired?”

The smirk never left the younger man’s face. “Tired as hell, actually. But, you know, if you don’t sleep, then I’m not gonna sleep either.

Something burst open in the American’s chest and a hot feeling filled him that made him want to cuddle the Swede and never let go. He suppressed this feeling and cleared his throat. “Cool,” he said, though his voice sounded forced and uncomfortable.

The smirk left the other man’s lips. “Unless you wanna be alone, I can leave you alone, then…”

“No!” Cry almost shouted. He blushed immediately after realizing that he answered way too fast. “No, no. I’m okay with… talking and… stuff.”

He saw Pewds grin at him and when he came closer to the Cry, he backed away a bit. That seemed to confuse the blonde for a second, but then he just slung his arm around his friend’s shoulder and pressed him against himself. “Good, let’s talk and… do stuff, then.”

* * *

 

They talked through the whole night and Cry couldn’t help but accept the fact that he had a huge crush on PewDiePie.

It was around 5am when the Swede started snoring, his head falling on the American’s shoulder. He wanted to never move again. But on the other hand he wanted it all to stop.

A long sigh escaped his mouth as he gently pushed his friend into a lying position. He covered him with a blanket and left the living room to take a shower. He felt… well…

Cry didn’t want to say it. He didn’t want to think it. He didn’t want to feel it.

But he did.

His life just kept getting more and more complicated.


	7. Did I weird you out?

When Pewds woke up the next morning, a blanket lay on top of him. He pushed it off and sat up. He had been lying on the couch, so he must’ve fallen asleep while he was talking to Cry last night. Looking around, he couldn’t spot the older man and assumed that he had been sleeping in his bed.

The Swede stood up and yawned. Glancing at the clock, he realized that it was just 8am, which meant he only slept for, like, 4 hours. Groaning, he took his clothes out of the suitcase and changed. He hurried while doing so, probably because he was scared that Cry would just suddenly walk in on him and things would get pretty damn awkward.

When he was done, he decided to cook something for his friend.

Now, he was never really a master chef, but he would be able to get something on the table… And with something he meant eggs and bacon.

He only just finished the food when he heard a grunt behind him. He turned to see Cry standing there in some sweatpants and a worn out Power Rangers t-shirt.

“You shouldn’t have,” the older man said and went to stand beside his friend. “I can cook, too.”

Pewds just flashed him a smile and put the food on the table. “Nah, you gave me a place to sleep, so…”

Cry sat down and shrugged. “Well, I couldn’t exactly leave you in front of my door, now, could I?”

The Swede grinned and sat down at the opposite of the table. Their eyes met and suddenly Pewdie’s mind started to run away from him. He cleared his throat before talking again. “You could’ve. I wouldn’t have blamed you. I mean, you punched me in the face, might as well leave me to die out there.”

That made the other man smirk. “How is your face, by the way? Did I punch hard?”

“I’m good. I mean, you _did_ punch hard, but… my face is still beautiful!” He laughed at his own joke a little.

The American smiled and shook his head. “True that.”

They both froze immediately.

Pewdie looked up at Cry to see him bent over his food, eyes wide in shock, a little blush creeping onto his face. The younger wanted to say something, but he was not able to, because suddenly his face felt extremely hot and he didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he just stuffed them into the pockets of his sweatpants.

“Sorry,” said the older man and looked away. “That came out weird.”

Pewds caught himself quickly after that. “Oh, no, no, don’t worry, I _am_ really hot, so… so, I know…”

Cry cleared his throat before a little sigh escaped his mouth. “Okay, awkwardness is the main emotion we’re feeling when we’re together. So far.”

 _Oh, if only you knew_ , Pewdie thought, but still smiled at his friend. “Seems like that. We should change that. Play some video games, like we always do and get the weirdness out of the way.”

A smile spread across the American’s face. “Yeah, good idea. I’m gonna dig out my Nintendo 64 and we’ll play some old school Mario Kart, how about it?”

The Swede put a hand to his chest and looked at Cry with huge eyes. “How did you know my perfect date scenario, Cry? Are you trying to seduce me?”

“Wh— what? I mean… No,” Cry coughed a little before he smiled again. “A date would end with us making out and that… would be weird as shit.”

“Yeah,” Pewds answered, now also coughing. “Weird as shit.”

* * *

 

Eventually, they just did what they always did: they played video games. They ordered Pizza and sat on the couch, their controllers in their hands and spitting out half-hearted insults at the other. In between rounds of Mario Kart, Cry would go over to his neighbor Mrs. Ashworth to get the mattress that Pewdie would sleep on later.

“How did you find out you’re pan?”

Cry immediately let go of his controller and looked at his friend. “What?”

Pewds just kept on staring at the TV, finishing the round and coming in first. He put his own controller down carefully and glanced at the other man. “I mean, when did you realize?”

The American tried to find words, but then his gaze went back to the TV and he realized that he had lost the race and therefore the game. “Did… Did you just try to confuse me so you could win?”

The Blonde’s eyes widened, and he put his hands up in defense. “What? No, I would never do that! I am honestly asking you a question here!”

He didn’t quite believe him at first, but eventually Cry sighed and fully faced his friend, turning his whole body to Pewds. “It’s a fairly long story, but… If you really want to know…”

Pewdie just nodded and sat down the same way his friend did, looking him in the eyes and just waiting.

“Fine…” Cry took a deep breath and started talking. “So… I think I always knew that I didn’t just like girls, you know? I thought boys were pretty and had a few crushes here and there, so, I thought I was bisexual, like any normal person probably would.” He shrugged and looked out of the window. “But it didn’t stop at bisexuality. I went out and got a little drunk one night, hell, it was the weirdest night in my entire life, but… Let’s just say I hooked up with this… this _girl_. We went to my place and it got pretty heated and then she suddenly stopped me when I was about to take off her pants. And… well, you probably see where this is going. She was a trans girl and was scared of my opinio, because she obviously liked me. For whatever reason. And I realized that I thought it was fucking hot. So, yeah. That’s basically how I found out that I do not care about what you have in your pants or what you _want_ to have in your pants. If you’re hot, you’re hot and I will want some of that. I also look at character more than physical appearance, to be honest…” When Cry looked at Pewds again he was still staring at the older man. “That enough explanation for you? Did I weird you out?”

The Swede was silent for a few seconds, then he smiled a little. “That was not as long as I thought it would be.”

Cry bit his lip. “Yeah, whatever. Anyway, _did I weird you out_?”

“No, of course you didn’t. I wanted to know and it’s really interesting.”

“So, why _did_ you want to know exactly?”

That made Pewds purse his lip before turning his head away from the older man. “I’m just trying to figure things out… You know, things about myself.”

“Oh,” Cry said, not wanting to sound hopeful. “Take your time with that. You don’t need to rush, your feelings don’t run away from you and neither does your sexuality.”

Pewds nodded before glancing at the clock. “Oh, man, look at the time, I… I am pretty tired and…”

Cry looked at the time and noticed that it was almost one in the morning and he rose an eyebrow. It wasn’t really late at all, but apparently Pewdie wanted to be alone, so Cry just played along: “Ah, shit, you’re right, I’ll need to get some sleep, too.” He got up and turned off his Nintendo. “Night, Pewds.”

“Night, Cry.”

Marching into his room, the American found his breath getting shallow. Why did Pewdie want to know about sexuality? Did he think he was pan? Or bi? Or even gay? His heart and mind started racing and Cry tried hard to calm himself down. There was no need to think that he had feelings for Cry, there were no indications from Pewds that he liked a certain American friend of his. He was just being delusional and hoped for too much.

As he lay in bed he couldn’t shake the feelings bubbling in his chest and he silently cursed Pewds for making him feel like this.


	8. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goddammit.  
> This chapter is not complete. But I couldn't stand to keep you waiting any longer than you already have.  
> SO! Have some fluffy fluff!
> 
> Next chapter will be longer, promised!

Cry woke up to someone shaking him. He cracked an eye open and saw Pewds hovering over him. “Hm?”

“Sorry to wake you up in the middle of the night…” Cry sat up at that, only to see that it was still dark outside. “I couldn’t fall asleep and I thought…”

When the American’s eyes landed on his friend, he saw that he actually seemed tired. “Do you… want me to make you a tea or whatever?”

Even though it was dark, Cry saw the blush creeping up on the Swedish man’s cheeks. “Actually… I thought that maybe… I could stay here… for a while… with… uh—you?”

Now it was Cry’s turn to blush. Did he mean… sleeping in the same bed? Or just talking? Honestly, he wouldn’t say no to anything Pewdie asked him. “Uh—sure?”

And as Pewds shyly slid under Cry’s blanket to lie beside him, the older man couldn’t help but slide a little closer to his friend. “Thanks, by the way.”

“No problem, man,” Cry said as he turned to lie on his side, looking at Pewds. He copied that motion and they suddenly lay so close, their legs touched. “If you feel awkward… tell me, alright?”

Pewdie reached out and touched Cry’s hand slightly and it took all of his will power to not pull away. “Actually, I feel pretty well. But tell me if… I do something you don’t like?”

 _Where is this going?_ , Cry asked himself, though he didn’t want to ask out loud, because, honestly… He didn’t want to know. “I will.”

It was then that Pewds’ hand started to creep up Cry’s arm and the older man couldn’t help but shiver at the touch. “Is this okay?”

“Sure,” Cry forced out, it sounded like he got chocked. “Why are you doing this?” he asked, taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

Pewdie’s hand stopped on his friends’ shoulder. “I’m trying to figure things out… I can leave if you want me to.”

He immediately shook his head. “No!” Embarassed, he cleared his throat. “I mean… If you want to figure something out for yourself… don’t let me stop you.”

The Swede nodded and suddenly his hand started moving to his friend’s cheek. When his face came closer, Cry couldn’t help but close his eyes and hold his breath. Once Pewds’ lips touched his something in him exploded. Butterflies moved through his whole body and he didn’t think twice before he moved to sit on top of Pewdie, their lips never parting.

The younger of the two made a surprised noise, yet his hands found their way around the other man’s neck to pull him closer. As Cry moaned a litte, Pewds opened his mouth and the kiss deepened. It was then that Cry realized what he was doing. He pulled away to stare at his friend. “What are we doing here?”

“Uhm,” Pewds hesitated, looking up, confused. “We are making out? I guess?”

“Yeah, I realize that, dickhead. I’m just… I’m just wondering why?” Their eyes locked and the older man sighed. “Do you really think you’re into guys?”

Pewdie sat up so that Cry suddenly sat in his lap. “Honestly, I think I’m into you,” he sneaked his arms around his waist.  “I’m pretty sure I’m into you.”

The American groaned as he hid his face in the crook of his friend’s neck. “Shit man… You can’t… You can’t just come into my room and make out with me and tell me that… I’m dreaming, I must be.” He looked up at his crush and sighed. “Why would you fall for me? How high was the possibility that you’d come into my room to make out with me, right after I have fallen for you, too? Are you shitting me?”

And then there was that bright smile on Pewdie’s face as he leaned forward to crash his lips down to Cry’s again.

Surprised by the force, the older man fell back, pulling the other with him, so Pewds was on top now. For a second he pulled back to grin at his lover underneath him. “Is making out still weird as shit, Cry?” Pewds asked, leaning down, so that their lips were just millimeters apart.

Cry felt his friend’s breath on his lips and his whole body screamed for him to close the small distance and get back to the making out thing. But he fought it. “It kinda is, but I honestly am 100% fine with it.”

That was when Pewdie sat up, leaving Cry with a kind of cold feeling. “Well, too bad. I’m tired and I’m gonna sleep in your bed, if you like it or not.” He eyed him for a second. “And I know that you like it.” With that he lay down, pulling the blanket over himself and sighing into the dark. The American didn’t dare to move, so after a few seconds, he saw Pewds’ sillhouette sit up. “Come on, Cry, I want to cuddle.”

 _You don’t have to say that twice_ , was the only thing the taller man thought as he practically jumped up and flopped down right next to his… friend? Lover? Boyfriend? Whatever… He earned a little groan from him, but as Cry slung his arms around Pewdie, he seemed to relax.

As they lay in bed, spooning, the blonde’s breathing almost like a melody to Cry’s ears, he found himself slowly drifting to sleep. Pewds was warm and soft and the older hoped, with all his heart, that he really wasn’t dreaming and that he would wake up to the Swedish man in his arms.


End file.
